Learn to Nurture Your Soul
Learning to say NO can be a challenge for many of us. We as women tend to put ourselves on the back burner.
You probably are familiar with the phrase “put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else.” It is true! There are a variety of reasons for not taking care of yourself but it really comes down to self-worth, self-love, and how you value yourself.
I truly believe that this step is key to healing and without addressing this you will not move forward with your life. This step takes time to learn so be gentle with yourself. As my mother would always tell me, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Because of prior conditioning, you may have been brought up with the belief that taking care of yourself is a selfish act. Or maybe you have been affected by an abusive relationship where you were unable to stand up for yourself and are stuck in an unhealthy pattern of letting someone else control or criticize you. Are you constantly rescuing others?
The good news is that patterns can be changed and if I can do it so can you! I love this quote:
“Self-nurturing means, above all, making a commitment to self-compassion.”
(Jennifer Louden, The Woman’s Comfort Book).
Here are some tips that you can put in place that will help you on the road to self-care:
1. Begin to put your own needs first. Do you have difficulty asking for help? Are you afraid that others won’t like you if you don’t give to them? Please believe nothing bad will happen to if you put your own needs first. It actually might feel empowering and you will notice that you have more energy.
2. Stop rescuing and enabling: Remember there is a huge difference between helping and enabling. [Tweet “”Enabling is doing something for someone that they could, and should be doing themselves.” “]
It doesn’t necessarily always have to do with enabling an alcoholic. It can refer to any type of destructive form of helping. An example of enabling would be if you are paying someone’s bills when they are capable of doing this for themselves.
You are allowing them to continue in their addiction or behavior pattern and really doing a great disservice by preventing him/her to suffer the consequences. Remember, enabling is not an act of love, but a false sense of control over someone.
The best thing you can do for yourself and for the person that you care about is to back off and allow him/her to take care of himself. Let him/her be responsible and accountable.
3. Create healthy boundaries: Set limits on what you will allow yourself to do for other people. If you continue to give your power away you are not only being depleted energetically, but you are sending a clear message to the other person and they will continue to push your buttons and take advantage of you.
Learn how to get clear on your boundaries: Pay attention to the things that you complain about and that aggravate you the most.
The most important thing is stick to your boundaries!
4. Learn to say no: Say what you mean and mean what you say! Be strong and don’t let others manipulate you and make you feel guilty.
5. [Tweet ” Self-Love is a healing force for recovery from emotional and physical wounds.”] Caring for yourself will help you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.Treat yourself like you would your best friend.
6. Take care of your body: This also is an important step in raising your self-esteem and creating a healthy image of yourself. This means eating properly, exercising on a regular basis, getting plenty of rest, and creating a self-care plan that works for you.
I will leave you with this last thought:
“The feeling of being valuable-I am a valuable person is essential
to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline…
because when one considers oneself valuable one will take care of
oneself in all ways that are necessary. Self-discipline is self-caring.”
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled.