A few weeks ago I recently spoke on the topic of learning how to set personal and professional boundaries at the Cape Cod Women’s Conference in Falmouth, MA.
During my presentation we discussed the Boundary Myths that get in the way of us creating healthy boundaries. I realized that many women in the audience held these myths to be true and these were the very thing blocking them from moving forward with their lives and relationships.
So what is a myth?
The definition of a myth is an idea or story that is believed by many people, but that is not true. Think of myths as false beliefs that you either learned from childhood or created.
Boundary Myth #1: “I’m being selfish if I try to set boundaries.”
[Tweet “Setting boundaries is actually an act of self-love.”] It is your birthright to set boundaries!
Yes it is true we are here to love others, be kind and come from a place of compassion. I love serving others! However, I’ve learned to put limits on what I will allow and what is healthy for not only me, but the other person involved. Remember [Tweet “what you allow will only continue. “]
You may be asking yourself “isn’t setting boundaries being self-centered and ego driven?” NO! Setting boundaries allows us to better care and serve others in a healthy way. When you nourish your own spirit you are taking personal responsibility and empowering the other person involved to do the same.
This is necessary for our own emotional , physical, and spiritual growth . When you say NO to something that is not healthy for you or is not in alignment with your core values you are protecting yourself and the body, mind, and spirit God blessed you with.
Boundary Myth #2: “I feel guilty when I set boundaries.”
This can be a huge obstacle for women(and men) especially when it comes to family members. This can show up in our work as well. You may find yourself saying “YES” due to guilt or obligation. It’s easier to keep the peace .
Have you ever been asked to do something you really didn’t want to do and you tried to say NO, but the other person said “after all I’ve done for you”. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. This suggest there is a debt attached to that person.
The idea is perhaps that person gave you something(a gift) or did you a favor in the past. A gift is a gift without attachment or contract involved . You don’t owe anything.
All that is necessary when we receive a gift is a “thank you” and our gratitude . Think about when you give a gift or help someone out. Are you expecting something in return? Probably not!
I think it is important to distinguish between those who give because they truly want to give and those who “give to get”. Be aware of this energy to protect yourself and not get sucked in to the vampire manipulator.
Boundary Myth #3: “If I set Boundaries I will hurt the other person or they will be upset with me.”
I struggled with this myth for years! This is connected to having fear of expressing our feelings and speaking our truth because we are afraid of hurting the other person. We can be attached to the outcome or reaction of the other person when trying to have a courageous conversation with them.
Setting appropriate boundaries is not an attack on the person. The purpose of boundaries is to protect your highest values and your spirit. Realize that the other person’s reactions has nothing to do with you.(That is their stuff not yours).
Allow yourself to passionately detach from the outcome and speak what your heart is feeling. Ask for guidance from Holy Spirit. Overtime, avoidance and not being honest with your feelings will birth anger, resentment, and ultimately steel your joy.
[Tweet “Creating brave boundaries is the key to your personal freedom !”]
I would love to hear from you!